I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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