Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
