obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
