i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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