bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
