So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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