Porn is love you can see.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
