Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
