She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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