$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
