i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize