I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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