if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
