this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
