I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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