I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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