Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
