this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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