Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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