how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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