somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
