does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
