It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
