dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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