bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
