You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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