I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
