Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
