It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
