How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
