This girl is more easily done than said...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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