but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
