Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
