so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
