just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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