I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
