i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
