In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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