That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is wine microwaveable?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
