Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
