I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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