my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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