it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
