how can u be prego again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
