if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
