I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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