let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
