Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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