And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize