i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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