Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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