You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
