So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
