I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
