hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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