none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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