I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
