im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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