I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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