Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
