You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
