That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
