She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize