No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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