Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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